Bulletin Board # 57

Programming Goof Nearly Causes Nuclear Accident

A computer glitch nearly caused an accident involving nuclear materials at the Los Alamos National Laboratory. The Los Alamos Critical Experiments Facility helps develop safe handling and clean-up procedures for nuclear fuel, and is the only laboratory in the nation capable of creating critical or near-critical masses of nuclear materials. Officials said the incident occurred in February during an experiment where two cubes of uranium-235 are placed in close proximity to each other. A computer chip in the operator's joystick failed, causing the two cubes to move towards each other at ten times the normal speed. Other computers should have detected the joystick failure and halted the operation, but they didn't. An investigation following the incident found that a programmer had disabled critical fail-safe instructions two to three years ago during a switchover to a new computer system. Officials said the incident did not endanger workers or the public. Rick Anderson, leader of the lab's advanced nuclear technology group, said the errant programmer "was counseled."

(Personal note: I don't recall seeing a bright flash followed by a mushroom cloud so I assume they got the program debugged.)

Tim
From: Tom Hollis
Subject: Russian Organized Crime / Drug Cartel / SIGINT Monitoring

I've been following the recent information on the Chinese threat to our national security as well as our industrial might. As an old navy SIGSEC operator I know how good these operator can be. I also know how easy most Americans make it for these collection operators. We were always briefing COMSEC and OPSEC to various commands. Industry needs to learn the lessons the military learned the hard way.

I've been out of the navy almost 10 years now and I'm amazed that I'm back doing threat briefings dealing with the same problems I did 10 years ago. Only now the bad guys are Russian Organized Crime and the Drug Cartel. Instead of briefing military commands I'm briefing the Federal Law Enforcement community. What really scares me is their attitudes, almost across the board they feel they can't be monitored, bugged or taped. Yet they put extreme emphasis on Title 3 operations (legal wiretaps) to put the bad guys away.

Anyway, I would like to ask you if you could solicit your network of friends and colleagues for any information that can be shared on Criminal SIGINT Monitoring. I've picked up rumors of U.S. Military trained personnel going to work for the Drug Cartels providing SIGINT against law enforcement operations. I've heard traffic analysis against secure networks has been provided to local drug organizations. As for the Russians it only makes sense to me that they would use SIGINT monitoring to further their goals. They certainly have enough highly trained personnel to draw upon.

Any information gained will be used to update the briefings I'm providing to various federal law enforcement agencies.

Thanks, keep up the good work!

Tom Hollis
COMSEC Manager
Executive Office for United States Attorneys

P.S. I enjoy all the jokes keep them comming. I've got a few to contribute, see the attached text files.

Catholic School Humor

Little Johnny is having a difficult time with math. He excels at history, social studies, art, language, and all the rest of the disciplines but can't get a handle on math. His parents hire tutors, and buy him specialized books and math CD Roms all to no avail. Finally, they have no choice. They have to find a solution to Little Johnny's math problem or he will never pass.

His parents decide to send him to a Catholic school known for it's strict academics. He goes to his first day of school all dressed in a freshly pressed white shirt and tie with black pants-very sharp. He comes home from school that afternoon and proceeds straight to his room. His parents do not see or hear from him until supper. At which time, he emerges from his room, math books strewn all about, eats his dinner and returns to his studies without saying a word. This goes on for weeks.

Finally, he arrives home one day with his report card, drops it on the table and goes straight to his room. His parents are afraid to open it. Finally, mustering the courage, they gingerly open the envelope and in big bold is the letter "A" in math. They're ecstatic. They rush into Johnny's room and hug him. "What did it" they ask.

"Was it the teachers, the new books, the new school?"

Little Johnny says, "Well, when I walked into the lobby of the new school that first day and saw that guy they'd nailed to that plus sign, I knew they were serious."

A little humor...

• Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
  
• Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
  
• How do I set my laser printer on stun?
  
• How is it possible to have a civil war?
  
• If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
  
• If God dropped acid, would he see people?
  
• If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
  
• If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
  
• If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
  
• If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
  
• If you're born again, do you have two bellybuttons?
  
• If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
  
• If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
  
• Is a castrated pig disgruntled?
  
• Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"?
  
• Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
  
• Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
  
• Where are we going? And what's with this handbasket?
  
• If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of the stuff?
  
• Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
  
• If most car accidents occur within five miles of home, why doesn't everyone just move 10 miles away?
  
• Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
  
• One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
  
• Atheism is a nonprophet organization.
  
• The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
  
• If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
  
• Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going as ghosts but as mattresses?
  
• Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?
  
• If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
  
• And whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?

It is just for information purposes, only (but if you do decidse to buy a multi million dollar system, tell them I sent you even if I didn't. I'll split anything I get). :>)

BTW, Kevin is a Mac user, as well.

tim