Bulletin Board #40

According to Funkenstein & Wagonwheel dictionary an Auburn is a univerity where, at certain football games, they send they freshly starched uniforms on the field to play while the players themselves are playing tiddly-winks.
Wish I could find that dad-blamed game and hide it so they at could make an effort to make the ball game.

I hope you remember an Auburn player by the name of Bo Jackson. As the story goes, Bo was having trouble in English 101 with his spelling. As luck would have it, that Saturday was the Aburn-Alabama football game and Bo was not going to be able to play unless he could pass a test. Coach Pat Dye ( bless his little pea picking heart) arranged with the English teacher to give Bo the test on the football field while the stands were filled with his good wishers. Pat Dye help up his hands for quiet and a hush feel upon the crowd. The one question test came. "Bo" said Dye. "What is the sum of the two numbers 2 plus 2?" Every one was filled with anticipation and was eagerly waiting for Bo's reply. Finally a big grin broke on Bo's face and he opened wide his mouth and said "FOUR".

Suddenly a long OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH came forth from the crowd and in unison they said "Come on Coach, Give him another chance".

I guess you know that Bo was not his real name. Real name was Bob but he couldn't remember how to spell it.

(Recognizing, of course, that the information in the computer has a great deal more value than the computer itself.)

I am pretty sure there is technology out there in the Electronic Article Surveillance/Detection (EAS) system category (commonly used in stores to keep you from walking out without an alerting beep if you haven't paid for something). I believe Sensormatic and Kno-Go (spelling?) and several others had technology fairly recently introduced to tag notebook/laptop computers [and other high value items] inside their box with an EAS tag. That tag would be registered to an owner. When the tag (notebook/laptop) leaves the building, the system picks it up and AUTOMATICALLY logs it out. No guard involved, etc. (Suggest contact direct with them for more info.) I would think that verification of a user's status would be easy given the id of the computer and the individual in this way. Further, a corporate policy that makes users responsible for their property, tied to this system, makes them a part of the process to account for property and control it.

This procedure also helps in terms of accurate inventory accounting, since you first have to identify and tag your computers to make it work. One client I worked with had no idea of how many computers they had, or where they were at any one time. There were essentially no inventory records to begin with. This is a crucial point: as many of us know you have to prove you actually "owned" or had constructive possession of an item in order to prove theft. Thus, if you don't have inventory records, or delivery records, that show it's yours in the 1st place, you may never be able to prosecute even if you catch the thief.

And this doesn't address the user who "loses" the computer once out of the bldg due to negligence, etc. Nor does it address issues like theft of component parts from computers inside a building/network environment (see NTI at www.secure-data.com for more information on that issue - I know they have a research project ongoing now.). Other issues are such things as password protection of notebook data, etc. But it is likely a helpful start towards security for the notebook computers.

Hope this helps.

Fred

From: John Robert Runyon
Subject: 2000 ???

Tim,
Gee, I wish I could claim 2000 finds in 20 years. That is a steady average of a hundred a year. But, then again, I must be just a dumb Dane.

By the way, how is Mikey doing?

Catch ya later.

Bob
Mikey is doing great!!

From: Kelleypi@aol.com
Date: Fri, 14 Nov 1997 09:06:58 -0500 (EST)
To: dbugman@dbugman.com
Subject: Re:
Tim....Good note on the transmitters. Locks? I haven't picked one in a while and picking is like playing basketball......If you want to be good, you have to practice all the time. Raking the simple ones is another story. However, if you have ever impressioned a lock and found that you are good at it, it doesn't take practice. If you have the nack, its always there. I have impressioned over 400 locks in my career and it is the most sure way, eliminates the headaches of mushroom and spool pins, and leaves you with a key for the next entry. However, let it be known that I do not make illegal entries.
I have little use for the transmitters and use recorders with remote mikes and adjustable record levels for consentual audio. Most of my work is criminal defense work such as murders, aggravated assualt or battery, drugs, and such. I do 80% of my work for criminal defense attorneys and nearly all the rest is for governments (grand juries, Death Penalty Defense Unit, and special investigations for local prosecuters). It keeps it interesting. My success in helping the defense folks has brought the prosecution into the game. They want me to work for them on big cases if they can hire me before the defense attorneys can. There is work for our kinds of folks in the small town/rural area environment. Since there are few qualified investigators in these areas there is little if any competition. And you don't even have to market yourself to any extent. Just get a few jobs from one attorney, do a good job, and he/she will pass the word to many other attorneys. All of my new work is by word of mouth. And I have jobs going now as far away as 180 miles. Attorneys are like gypsies when it comes to keeping in touch and passing on info. Just wanted to bring you up to date. Keep in touch and thanks for your continuing info.
Jack

The CIA was seeking candidates for the position of field agent. On the day in question they had three applicants to interview. Each applicant was instructed to bring his wife with him to the interview. Before the interview the applicant and his wife were instructed to wait in a small room which was connected to the interview room by a door. When the applicant's turn came, he was directed to leave his wife in the room and go through the door to the adjoining room for his interview.

The first candidate was a recent college graduate, in his early twenties. He enters the room and takes a seat. A Colt 45 Automatic pistol is lying on the desk.

Interviewer: As you know the CIA is responsible for the security of our nation. This job you are seeking can be difficult and requires unquestioned loyalty and obedience to orders.

Applicant: I won't have any problem with that. I have just completed four hard years of college and I can do anything.

I: Good! Pick up the pistol which is on the desk between us, go into the next room and shoot your wife.

A: No Way!! I love my wife. We have only been married for a few months and she is most important thing in the world to me. I cannot do that.

I: Interview terminated, next applicant.

The next applicant enters the room and sits down. He is a man of about thirty with some experience in law enforcement.

I: As you know the CIA is responsible for the security of our nation. This job you are seeking can be difficult and requires unquestioned loyalty and obedience to orders.

A: That isn't a problem. In my years as a police officer I have learned the value of following orders. I can, and will, do so.

I: Good! Pick up the pistol which is on the desk between us, go into the next room and shoot your wife.

A: You've got to be kidding! I couldn't possibly do that! She is the mother of my children. I love my wife and children. You must be out of your mind!

I: Interview terminated, next applicant.

The final applicant enters the room. He is a retired OSI Agemt about forty five, a little gray around the temples, with more than a few miles on him.

I: As you know the CIA is responsible for the security of our nation. This job you are seeking can be difficult and requires unquestioned loyalty and obedience to orders.

A: I can do that!

I: Good! Pick up the pistol which is on the desk between us, go into the next room and shoot your wife.

The applicant picks up the pistol, goes into the next room and two rapid shots are heard. Following a few moments of silence, all hell breaks loose in the room. The sounds of screaming, furniture being destroyed and glass being broken is heard. Finally, the room grows quiet, the door opens and the applicant reenters. His clothing is torn and he is scratched and bloody. It is obvious that he has been in a violent confrontation. He sits down at the desk.

I: My God man! What happened?

A: Some idiot put blanks in that pistol and I had to strangle her! Have a good day,
Trueman

1. I'm sorry, Officer, but I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
2. That uniform makes your butt look really big.
3. Your not gonna check the trunk, are you?
4. Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on Cops?
5. I but I could grab that gun before you finish writing my ticket
6. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me! Good job!
7. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a Police Officer.
8. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
9. Bad Cop! No Donut!
10. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.
11. When you smack the crap outta me, make sure you smile pretty for the camcorder.
12. I pay your salary, Bucko!
13. Those sirens are hurting my ears, turn them off or I'm not speaking to you.
14. Gee, thanks, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too
15. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does
16. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other car around, that's how far they are ahead of me
17. Sorry I can't hear you over the radio. No I am not turning it down; I love this song. Either speak up or just leave me alone
18. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control
19. Aren't you that guy from the Village People?
20. No officer, I would not ever insult your intelligence. As I understand it you don't need any to be in law enforcement.
21. If your going to use that batton can you please at least wait until I am horny.
22. No officer I don't know how fast I was going. You see my speedometer only goes to 85.

"This is the maid.", answered the woman.

"We don't have a maid!"

"I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house."

"Well, this is her husband. Is she there?"

"Ummm...she's upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I just figured was her husband."

The guy is fuming. He says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?"

"What do I have to do?"

"I want you to get my gun from my desk in the den and shoot that witch and the jerk she's with."

The maid puts down the phone. The guy hears footsteps, followed by a couple of gunshots.

The maid comes back to the phone. "What should I do with the bodies?"

"Throw them in the swimming pool!"

"What pool?"

"Uh.. is this 832-4821?" >>

Courtesy Trace Carpenter Investigations